And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
