Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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