Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
