Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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