remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
