Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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