I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
