When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
