i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
