Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
