Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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