No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
