Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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