i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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