Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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