i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
