yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So drunk its hurt
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
