At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
