i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
