i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Randomize
