This is not my ceiling
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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