i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
