So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
