woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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