I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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