yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
