if you like me you must not know who I am
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
