theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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