Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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