Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
