Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
