booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
