So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
