Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
