Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
