Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we have officially lost it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
