I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
