Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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