Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
