I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
