I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
