he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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