i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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