Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
