you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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