He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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