He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
