part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
