the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
