Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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