So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
