I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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