You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
