Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
