Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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