hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
