The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize