I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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