Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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