Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
