Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
