Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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