paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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