when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
