do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
