Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
