Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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