One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
