Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
