I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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