Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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