There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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