I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
