it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
