Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
