on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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