tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
