Can i not drive my cunt home
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
