I wish I could punch you in the face.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
