I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
