hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
