My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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