He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
