When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
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Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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